Prodigal Son.

This blog and all my other blogs remind me of the prodigal son, although less so in the fact that I keep returning and then going away.

Journaling.

So this is a convenient place to have a post about anything and everything, but most importantly it's good for being a journal. I've started so many- I don't know that it's worth it. :/

Here's a Frost Poem

A Prayer in Spring

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;
And give us not to think so far away
As the uncertain harvest; keep us here
All simply in the springing of the year.

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,
Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;
And make us happy in the happy bees,
The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

And make us happy in the darting bird
That suddenly above the bees is heard,
The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,
And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

For this is love and nothing else is love,
The which it is reserved for God above
To sanctify to what far ends He will,
But which it only needs that we fulfil.

Robert Frost

Psalm 6

3/5/13-3/14/13
Psalm 6^[a]

For the director of music. With stringed instruments. According to sheminith.^[b] A psalm of David.

¹ Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger
    or discipline me in your wrath.
² Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;
    heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
³ My soul is in deep anguish.
    How long, Lord, how long?

⁴ Turn, Lord, and deliver me;
    save me because of your unfailing love.
⁵ Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
    Who praises you from the grave?

⁶ I am worn out from my groaning.

All night long I flood my bed with weeping
    and drench my couch with tears.
⁷ My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
    they fail because of all my foes.

⁸ Away from me, all you who do evil,
    for the Lord has heard my weeping.
⁹ The Lord has heard my cry for mercy;
    the Lord accepts my prayer.
¹⁰ All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish;
    they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame.

Although I would like to do a formal analysis of the psalm like previous ones. I have not done well in my spiritual discipline for Lent. I actually thought it would be really easy to formal analyze a psalm each day for lent, but it's been a hard task because I take other things (often useless) as priority. Interestingly, I do realize that it's a lot easier to verbalize thoughts in writing than it is actually to say it. That and it's the nature of the library.  

I'm just going to break all the rules of writing and do some creative storming and application on this passage.

Here, it seems David is repenting for something he has done wrong. In many ways this psalm applies to my own conflict for the last year or so albeit, less dramatic, and less weeping (yet more weeping for me than usual). Everything in this psalm reminds me of the sins that I have committed in the last year. To recount them would be opening up healing sores- and not to mention idiotic. But I do distinctly remember feeling this way- at least I remember distinctly asking God to have mercy on me and ask for healing. The root of it is- I believe I'm over thinking too much. There are so many reasons, but I need to learn that sometimes it doesn't matter. I need to just focus, fix my eyes on my plans, and let God do the rest. That of course requires me to make plans-- go plans! But more importantly, go God!

Psalm 5

2/27/13-3/4/13

Psalm 5^[a]

For the director of music. For pipes. A psalm of David.

¹ Listen to my words, Lord,
    consider my lament.
² Hear my cry for help,
    my King and my God,
    for to you I pray.

³ In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;
    in the morning I lay my requests before you
    and wait expectantly.
⁴ For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness;
    with you, evil people are not welcome.
⁵ The arrogant cannot stand
    in your presence.
You hate all who do wrong;
⁶     you destroy those who tell lies.
The bloodthirsty and deceitful
    you, Lord, detest.
⁷ But I, by your great love,
    can come into your house;
in reverence I bow down
    toward your holy temple.

⁸ Lead me, Lord, in your righteousness
    because of my enemies—
    make your way straight before me.
⁹ Not a word from their mouth can be trusted;
    their heart is filled with malice.
Their throat is an open grave;
    with their tongues they tell lies.
¹⁰ Declare them guilty, O God!
    Let their intrigues be their downfall.
Banish them for their many sins,
    for they have rebelled against you.
¹¹ But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
    let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
    that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

¹² Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous;
    you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Footnotes:

1. Psalm 5:1 In Hebrew texts 5:1-12 is numbered 5:2-13.

In verse one of psalm five, David asks God to listen to his regrets and to listen to his problems. He continues to plea God in verse two. In verse three David puts down his request the next morning and he waits expectantly. In the next few verses, David describes things God dislikes. God dislikes evilness, wickedness, arrogance, wrong doings, blood thirstiness, and liars. David continues to brings our attention to the fact that he is allowed into the house of God, and is able to bow to him because God loves him. David asks God to declare those people guilty, because those who have sinned are against God. Only the righteous are protected by God. David asks God to banish them for their sins, because they have rebelled against God, but the ones who seeks refuge in God should be glad and sing for joy.

The tone of voice in this passage is very straight forward and casual. This particular psalm is really interesting because in my mind verse 7, 10, and 11 form a deeper meaning. Verse seven is David proclaiming his ability to go to the house of the Lord, and worship- but reflecting on who David is- he is a sinner who has committed wrongs. Yet, he is able to walk into the house of the Lord to worship. Verse ten, and eleven are very different. Verse ten is about banishing those who rebel, and verse eleven speaks of protecting those who take refuge in the Lord. In many ways I feel that David could walk into the house of the lord despite being a sinner is reflected by eleven because he is able to rejoice in the Lord through the act of worship.
 

Psalm 4

2/26/2013

Psalm 4

New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 4^[a]

For the director of music. With stringed instruments. A psalm of David.

¹ Answer me when I call to you,

    my righteous God.

Give me relief from my distress;

    have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

² How long will you people turn my glory into shame?

    How long will you love delusions and seek false gods^[b]?^[c]

³ Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself;

    the Lord hears when I call to him.

⁴ Tremble and^[d] do not sin;

    when you are on your beds,

    search your hearts and be silent.

⁵ Offer the sacrifices of the righteous

    and trust in the Lord.

⁶ Many, Lord, are asking, “Who will bring us prosperity?”

    Let the light of your face shine on us.

⁷ Fill my heart with joy

    when their grain and new wine abound.

⁸ In peace I will lie down and sleep,

    for you alone, Lord,

    make me dwell in safety.

Footnotes:

1. Psalm 4:1 In Hebrew texts 4:1-8 is numbered 4:2-9.
2. Psalm 4:2 Or seek lies
3. Psalm 4:2 The Hebrew has Selah (a word of uncertain meaning) here and at the end of verse 4.
4. Psalm 4:4 Or In your anger (see Septuagint)

The first verse of this psalm is David's request to God. David asks God for mercy and he asks God to listen to his prayer. In verse two David asks his enemies two rhetorical questions about their reactions to his glory and their warped desires. In verse three, he takes note that God has already set apart the servant that God deems faithful. Assuming that the faithful servant is David, God will respond to David when David calls for God. Verse four is the advice that David gives through wisdom, that one ought not to sin in anger. One's response may be to tremble, but do not sin, be silent and search one's heart. In verse six, he makes an observation that many people are questioning "who will bring us prosperity?". He provides a solution; suggesting that one ought to let the light shine on them, his people, and fill his heart with joy when grain and wine abound. David could sleep in peace because only the Lord makes him dwell in safety.

Like all the other psalms, David's words, which of course is inspired by God, is instructional. This psalm exemplifies God's timeliness- for always being there. I am most intrigued by verse two. The two rhetorical questions that David asks seems to be pertaining to misconstrued or misguided thoughts and messages about other peoples deeds.  

How long will you people turn my glory into shame?
   How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?

This particular verse makes me think about two emotions, one is jealousy and the other is anger. Of course our emotions  in a range- but in truth, no human is perfect and we can at least be on the same page here. Admittedly, I've on several occasions turned someone's glory into shame out of jealousy and anger. The moment I realize this, it is often too late and it doesn't make for a seemly first impression. This of course is followed by the other persons graciousness to forgive me for my sin and misdeeds, and sometimes it just ends there. Other times the repercussion is that relationship is dead and our want for reconciliation is moot. But then of course, the good news is, God is there for us and we could call to him in our times of need.

David didn't stop there, he gives us advice. He says "tremble but do not sin". When you are on your beds, this is the best time to think in silence, and to search one's heart. When the opportunity comes we offer up our sacrifices to renew our trust in the lord and finally we could rest easy with peace on our mind.

Psalm 3

2/19/2013- 2/25/2013

Psalm 3

New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 3^[a]

A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.

¹ Lord, how many are my foes!
    How many rise up against me!
² Many are saying of me,
    “God will not deliver him.”^[b]

³ But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
    my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
⁴ I call out to the Lord,
    and he answers me from his holy mountain.

⁵ I lie down and sleep;
    I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
⁶ I will not fear though tens of thousands
    assail me on every side.

⁷ Arise, Lord!
    Deliver me, my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
    break the teeth of the wicked.

⁸ From the Lord comes deliverance.
    May your blessing be on your people.

Footnotes:

1. Psalm 3:1 In Hebrew texts 3:1-8 is numbered 3:2-9.
2. Psalm 3:2 The Hebrew has Selah (a word of uncertain meaning) here and at the end of verses 4 and 8.

In verse one; David expresses that he has many foes that are rising up against him. He states the conflict that he is experiencing, and takes note that the people around him are telling him that God will not deliver him from his troubles.

David, on the other hand, believes that God is the shield around him. He knows that he is safe and protected; he could lift his head up high. He is able to call out to God and know that God will answer him from where God resides.

David lay’s down and sleeps. He wakes up knowing that God is the one who sustains him, so he doesn’t have to fear his enemies.

David continues to invoke God, asking God to defend and protect him, and asking God to strike his enemies on the jaw, and break the teeth of the wicked.  

By asking, David is delivered from his bad situation, and he blesses the people of God.

After my last post, that was too -all over the place, I figured, I’d try something that is less of a “mind surf” to see where I could go with the passage. It may not be successful, but I want to figure out where this will lead me, and how I will change through reading psalms. (I just learned that mind surf is not a thing for Microsoft word)

My immediate inclination from reading this passage is to interpret this psalm into one about gossip or idle talk, but maybe this passage isn’t simply about gossip. This passage is about David’s reaction to the troubles that he is facing. David is looking to God for deliverance but while he was looking for that deliverance, he was not where his enemies were. The key is that, David does not hesitate to ask God to deliver him even in the midst of fleeing. Too many times there is a neglect to ask God what he wants for us. We forget to pray or spend time with God, and instead envelop the self with pity- after all when reality hits, it hits hard and fast. We forget that we are not alone and that with God, we don’t have to worry, we just have to trust in the Lord and his provision for us.   

I have nothing deeper than that.

Psalm 1 and 2

2/14/13

In light of the Lenten season, I've decided to stop reading buzzfeed and the like trashy websites and instead reflect on Psalms. Honestly this is not the first time I've read psalms, but it will be the first time I will have read it through and try to understand and glean from it what I can. I will be reflecting on what Psalms means to me spiritually. Taking on this task is of course subjective, but I think that taking on this task will somehow change me for the better, if thinking about this change hasn't done me some good. Lord knows that being completely honest for man is no easy task, and in the "secular" world, I am no stranger to lies. My task of reflecting should have started yesterday, but I'll start by taking the step today.
Today, I'll be reflecting on Psalms 1 and 2.

Psalm 1

¹ Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
² but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

⁴ Not so the wicked!
    They are like chaff
    that the wind blows away.
⁵ Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
    nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

⁶ For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
    but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

The language of Psalm 1 in NIV, taken from Bible gateway is very straight forward. The first two verses are in regards to behaviors that one should not condone or take part. The third verse is the supposed result for not taking part in such behavior. The fourth verse begins with, "Not so the wicked!". I wonder why does the verse exclaim, "Not so the wicked"? What does this mean? Of course one would have to take a leap of faith and have some assumptions on the matter. I believe that maybe this is the result for not obeying the lord. It is because the wicked do not follow in the way of God. The wicked will not stand in judgment- nor will the sinners be considered righteous, and of course, the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

One may think to ask “where are you going with this blog entry?” In the short life that I have lived, things are often relative- but the stage of relativity does not last (I often say “it depends on the field”). From a fatalist stand point, life will play itself out. These are of course my secular language and musings shining through- and much of me just being darn silly and possibly pretentious. If I look at my life thus far, as a 24 year old young Christian lady who travels back and forth between cities and sometimes states)-- which is strange for me to really think about, I am a wicked person. I am wicked, not because I want to be wicked, but because I am a failure at following the law of God. I am wicked because I prefer to not stand in judgment, and I also prefer to stand far away from the righteous. This preference leaves me on a lonely path, where friends come and go not because my friends leave, but I am the one who leaves. Either can be said in the literal sense or in the figurative sense. I believe that it's one thing to be righteous, but when the righteous fall, in my subconscious mind, the fall of a righteous person could be for them a wound that is hard to heal, and could even be destructive for that person. A part of me does not want to experience this fall, this failure at life. Is this natural? Probably, if not, at least it seems to be the case for me for a while now. If I've learned anything from this chapter of the bible in the literal sense, I learned that I am literally the chaff that has been blown away and I am the one who will be drifting either for the better or for the worse. If I would just think positive for a second, the chaff that has been blown away will one day plant itself somewhere else more suitable, after all God is not merciless, God is forgiving. Being forgiven does that erase the record of our failings? No. Our failings will not be forgotten and if one is not careful, it could come back to haunt us as a demon, but the sting of these failings will not hurt forever and for some it will never be mentioned.

To focus on our failings would make it too easy to lose sight of what is important- God, and his task for us in life. Friends and family are what defines us as people- culture is part of it. That is, if one is fortunate enough to have both in this world, one could die happy. Of course there is something pesky called stages of life in which people scurry to build up like magic. One is left scurrying to find plausible mates while discerning for themselves the best way to live life. The fact of life isn't that there is no right way to live life, but whether or not one is willing to face and live this so called life. This is all easy to spew on a page of this blog of course, and if I'm not careful I can be considered a hopeless romantic (Not in the sense of valentine’s day- which is a great ploy for companies to make money in which we take part). I'm not courageous enough to live a life where one's middle name is "danger", although I do live a life full of risks. After all I do take after my parents. This life of risk is not because I have no care in the world and I am all set to fly away; it is because I care too much about everything, this controlling aspect where everything has to run a certain course. The one thing I need to learn is to let go and realize that loving and smothering are different, and anger is also a part of it. It is also because failing in front of the people we care about is one of the worst feelings, even if they say it's okay. Feelings in the secular world do matter but they matter too much, and in law they matter too little. I am often lost in thought about the vastness of the world and the possibilities, when possibilities and opportunities were there all along.

The other day I looked on facebook, and saw a short post a peer of mine wrote. He said something to the effect, “If one knew how to social network, the world would be a lot smaller.” He’s right. If everyone knew how to social network, the world would be smaller, but why is it so limiting? Because everything involves trust, and when the trust is broken- what do we hold to be true then?

 It is true that the way we present ourselves, either through branding or the way we dress and act in public matters (this point is often repeated over and over like a Buddhist mantra and chant). But, presentation of oneself is an aspect that one ought to be careful. It is easy to lose sight of other important things that one should hold true like capability and readiness. Our personal being is important, and to hold personal being in high regards is not selfishness. To be selfish would be to throw away everything and not know self-worth and to that I have no conclusion as much as disjointed thoughts. 

Psalm 2

¹ Why do the nations conspire^[a]
    and the peoples plot in vain?
² The kings of the earth rise up
    and the rulers band together
    against the Lord and against his anointed, saying,
³ “Let us break their chains
    and throw off their shackles.”

⁴ The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
    the Lord scoffs at them.
⁵ He rebukes them in his anger
    and terrifies them in his wrath, saying,
⁶ “I have installed my king
    on Zion, my holy mountain.”

⁷ I will proclaim the Lord’s decree:

He said to me, “You are my son;
    today I have become your father.
⁸ Ask me,
    and I will make the nations your inheritance,
    the ends of the earth your possession.
⁹ You will break them with a rod of iron^[b];
    you will dash them to pieces like pottery.”

¹⁰ Therefore, you kings, be wise;
    be warned, you rulers of the earth.
¹¹ Serve the Lord with fear
    and celebrate his rule with trembling.
¹² Kiss his son, or he will be angry
    and your way will lead to your destruction,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
    Blessed are all who take refuge in him. 

After my reading Psalm 1 and writing a response to it, I think that Psalm 2 is a great follow up to my conclusion about self-worth. Self-worth is something I lose sight on often, it is not because I am not good enough, but it is because I do not prepare myself well enough and I believe in lies people tell me. The first verse in Psalm 2 asks a very good question. It asks, why do nations conspire and peoples plot in vain? Verse two and three are in regards to people of power who deliberately conspire against God, and his word. Those who are in a position of power see God's word and his people as being constrained, and these people should be freed. Although I am not a person in a position of power, in fact, I would say I am often a person in a position of servitude and submission, either to family, peers, or landlords in which case I am often tempted to use Gods’ name in vain. To which I say nay! I refuse this blasphemy, like a wild horse that refuses to be tamed, or whatever people do to wild horses in the olden days. The verses actually get very confusing for me. I won’t pretend to know what it’s talking about completely. The dialogue gets confusing because King David seems to be prophesying the coming of Jesus, or something is happening and I don’t know what. Then David says- I’m a gonna tell you what God said to me- yadda, yadda, yadda. God has given David an inheritance, a gift if you will and he can receive it by asking. In relation to self-worth, if God can give a mere mortal (mind you David was, is, and will always be mortal) an abundance of inheritance just by a simple question- why are we afraid to take refuge in God and ask him things? 

(Late post)