2/14/13
In light
of the Lenten season, I've decided to stop reading buzzfeed and the like trashy
websites and instead reflect on Psalms. Honestly this is not the first time
I've read psalms, but it will be the first time I will have read it through and
try to understand and glean from it what I can. I will be reflecting on what
Psalms means to me spiritually. Taking on this task is of course subjective,
but I think that taking on this task will somehow change me for the better, if
thinking about this change hasn't done me some good. Lord knows that being
completely honest for man is no easy task, and in the "secular"
world, I am no stranger to lies. My task of reflecting should have started
yesterday, but I'll start by taking the step today.
Today, I'll be reflecting on Psalms 1 and 2.
Psalm
1
1 Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.
4 Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
6 For the Lord
watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.
The
language of Psalm 1 in NIV, taken from Bible gateway is very straight forward.
The first two verses are in regards to behaviors that one should not condone or
take part. The third verse is the supposed result for not taking part in such behavior.
The fourth verse begins with, "Not so the wicked!". I wonder why does
the verse exclaim, "Not so the wicked"? What does this mean? Of
course one would have to take a leap of faith and have some assumptions on the
matter. I believe that maybe this is the result for not obeying the lord. It is
because the wicked do not follow in the way of God. The wicked will not stand
in judgment- nor will the sinners be considered righteous, and of course, the
way of the wicked leads to destruction.
One may
think to ask “where are you going with this blog entry?” In the short life that
I have lived, things are often relative- but the stage of relativity does not
last (I often say “it depends on the field”). From a fatalist stand point, life
will play itself out. These are of course my secular language and musings shining
through- and much of me just being darn silly and possibly pretentious. If I look at my life thus far, as a 24 year old young Christian lady
who travels back and forth between cities and sometimes states)-- which is
strange for me to really think about, I am a wicked person. I am wicked, not
because I want to be wicked, but because I am a failure at following the law of
God. I am wicked because I prefer to not stand in judgment, and I also prefer
to stand far away from the righteous. This preference leaves me on a lonely
path, where friends come and go not because my friends leave, but I am the one
who leaves. Either can be said in the literal sense or in the figurative sense.
I believe that it's one thing to be righteous, but when the righteous fall, in
my subconscious mind, the fall of a righteous person could be for them a wound that
is hard to heal, and could even be destructive for that person. A part of me
does not want to experience this fall, this failure at life. Is this natural?
Probably, if not, at least it seems to be the case for me for a while now. If
I've learned anything from this chapter of the bible in the literal sense, I
learned that I am literally the chaff that has been blown away and I am the one
who will be drifting either for the better or for the worse. If I would just
think positive for a second, the chaff that has been blown away will one day
plant itself somewhere else more suitable, after all God is not merciless, God
is forgiving. Being forgiven does that erase the record of our failings? No. Our
failings will not be forgotten and if one is not careful, it could come back to
haunt us as a demon, but the sting of these failings will not hurt forever and
for some it will never be mentioned.
To focus
on our failings would make it too easy to lose sight of what is important- God,
and his task for us in life. Friends and family are what defines us as people-
culture is part of it. That is, if one is fortunate enough to have both in this
world, one could die happy. Of course there is something pesky called stages of
life in which people scurry to build up like magic. One is left scurrying to
find plausible mates while discerning for themselves the best way to live life.
The fact of life isn't that there is no right way to live life, but
whether or not one is willing to face and live this so called life. This is all
easy to spew on a page of this blog of course, and if I'm not careful I can be
considered a hopeless romantic (Not in the sense of valentine’s day- which is a
great ploy for companies to make money in which we take part). I'm not
courageous enough to live a life where one's middle name is "danger",
although I do live a life full of risks. After all I do take after my parents.
This life of risk is not because I have no care in the world and I am all set
to fly away; it is because I care too much about everything, this controlling
aspect where everything has to run a certain course. The one thing I need to
learn is to let go and realize that loving and smothering are different, and
anger is also a part of it. It is also because failing in front of the people we
care about is one of the worst feelings, even if they say it's okay. Feelings
in the secular world do matter but they matter too much, and in law they matter
too little. I am often lost in thought about the vastness of the world and the
possibilities, when possibilities and opportunities were there all along.
The other
day I looked on facebook, and saw a short post a peer of mine wrote. He
said something to the effect, “If one knew how to social network, the world
would be a lot smaller.” He’s right. If everyone knew how to social network,
the world would be smaller, but why is it so limiting? Because everything
involves trust, and when the trust is broken- what do we hold to be true then?
It is true that the way we present ourselves,
either through branding or the way we dress and act in public matters (this
point is often repeated over and over like a Buddhist mantra and chant). But, presentation
of oneself is an aspect that one ought to be careful. It is easy to lose sight
of other important things that one should hold true like capability and
readiness. Our personal being is important, and to hold personal being in high
regards is not selfishness. To be selfish would be to throw away everything and
not know self-worth and to that I have no conclusion as much as disjointed
thoughts.
Psalm
2
1 Why do the nations conspire[a]
and the peoples plot in vain?
2 The kings of the earth rise up
and the rulers band together
against the Lord
and against his anointed, saying,
3 “Let us break their chains
and throw off their shackles.”
4 The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
the Lord scoffs at them.
5 He rebukes them in his anger
and terrifies them in his wrath, saying,
6 “I have installed my king
on Zion, my holy mountain.”
7 I will proclaim the Lord’s
decree:
He said to me, “You are my son;
today I have become your father.
8 Ask me,
and I will make the nations your inheritance,
the ends of the earth your possession.
9 You will break them with a rod of iron[b];
you will dash them to pieces like pottery.”
10 Therefore, you kings, be wise;
be warned, you rulers of the earth.
11 Serve the Lord
with fear
and celebrate his rule with trembling.
12 Kiss his son, or he will be angry
and your way will lead to your destruction,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
Blessed are all who take refuge in him.
After my
reading Psalm 1 and writing a response to it, I think that Psalm 2 is a great
follow up to my conclusion about self-worth. Self-worth is something I lose
sight on often, it is not because I am not good enough, but it is because I do
not prepare myself well enough and I believe in lies people tell me. The first
verse in Psalm 2 asks a very good question. It asks, why do nations conspire
and peoples plot in vain? Verse two and three are in regards to people of power
who deliberately conspire against God, and his word. Those who are in a
position of power see God's word and his people as being constrained, and these
people should be freed. Although I am not a person in a position of power,
in fact, I would say I am often a person in a position of servitude and
submission, either to family, peers, or landlords in which case I am often
tempted to use Gods’ name in vain. To which I say nay! I refuse this blasphemy,
like a wild horse that refuses to be tamed, or whatever people do to wild
horses in the olden days. The verses actually get very confusing for me. I
won’t pretend to know what it’s talking about completely. The dialogue gets
confusing because King David seems to be prophesying the coming of Jesus, or
something is happening and I don’t know what. Then David says- I’m a gonna tell
you what God said to me- yadda, yadda, yadda. God has given David an
inheritance, a gift if you will and he can receive it by asking. In relation to
self-worth, if God can give a mere mortal (mind you David was, is, and will
always be mortal) an abundance of inheritance just by a simple question- why
are we afraid to take refuge in God and ask him things?
(Late post)
